Wow I feel enlightened!

I was sitting in Tim Horton's having a coffee yesterday, while eating an old fashioned doughnut. I couldn't wait for my copy of "The power of now" to arrive, so I printed off the first chapter to read.

I got to the part near the beginning where Tolle described his first inner realization:

"I was awakened by the chirping of a bird outside the window. I had
never heard such a sound before. My eyes were still closed, and I saw
the image of a precious diamond. Yes, if a diamond could make a sound,
this is what it would be like. I opened my eyes. The first light of
dawn was filtering through the curtains. Without
any thought, I felt, I knew, that there is infinitely more to light
than we realize. That soft luminosity filtering through the curtains
was love itself. Tears came into my eyes. I got up and walked around
the room. I recognized the room, and yet I knew that I had never truly
seen it before. Everything was fresh and pristine, as if it had just
come into existence. I picked up things, a pencil, an empty bottle,
marveling at the beauty and aliveness of it all.

That day I walked around the city in utter amazement at the miracle of
life on earth, as if I had just been born into this world."

I was amazed. I kept reading, while finishing my coffee.

As soon as I was done, I left to go walk down to the grocery store, and that’s when it happened. This overwhelming feeling of peace and harmony swept over me. I felt like I was hit with a wave of joy. I felt as though I had finally “gotten it".

I don't really quite know how to explain it; other then to say it was the most intense energetic feeling my conscious mind has ever experienced, and the calmest, most serene feeling my soul has ever known.

Everything I did afterward seemed different. My mind was finally switched off. I could see everyone and everything as an extension of myself. I was everything.

I would like to say that this was a really crazy and profound experience, but truthfully, it wasn't. It was in fact better then that.

The shift of consciousness that I experienced was just so simple, and peaceful. My whole demeanor had changed. The pace at which I walked was slower. I smiled more, and interestingly enough, more people smiled at me.

I got into the grocery store, and had to just stop, shut my eyes, and take in a REALLY deep breath. It was a little overwhelming at first, but felt so nice.

I started my journey around the store, noticing the fruits, the veggies, and all their wonderful smells, and colours. I walked with a slow pace, hands folded in front of each other. Almost like a priest or minister at mass. It just felt SO nice.

I had a memory of a time when Mel and I were sleeping together. The cat kept meowing, and wouldn’t stop. Finally Mel got up 1/2 asleep. At first I heard nothing, then the cat food dish being filled. Mel grumbled something, and came back to bed. That thought made me laugh out loud. RIGHT in the middle of the store! It was funny to think about that time, and how it made me chuckle.

I continued walking through the store, finding little things here, and enjoying a few simple moments there. I had finally gathered all of my purchases, and made my way to the cash. The cashier seemed cheery, and bright. She welcomed me with a “Hello… you look like you’re having a nice night…” I was just BEAMING. I paid for my purchases, and asked to have everything delivered.

I left the store, feeling very good, with a new found sense of grounding and serenity. I took in another deep cold breath, and started my walk home. I waited patiently for the OC Transpo bus. It came shortly after, and I got on, greeting the driver with a warm hello.

The driver and I spoke the whole way home... (Something I NEVER do... as "those people" "Annoyed" me before). We joked about passengers, and shared stories of things that had happened throughout his day. He thanked me for our chat, and I got off the bus. I smiled a HUGE smile, and walked home.

As soon as I got in the door, I put on my jammies, and got the kettle on for tea… Just as I was about to settle in, the phone rang... the groceries were there. It just seemed as though everything was ready, and in sync. I put my things away in the kitchen, enjoyed my tea, and had the most peaceful, and enjoyable rest I’ve had in years.

Love and light,

Matt

Brrrr!

Man... it's -12, but feels like -21 with the wind. It's snowing, and wet; my feet are damp; and I have a little chill. Old man winter, has finally come back for another round.

Funny thing... every year for as far back as I can remember, I HATED winter. Lately I've been on a journey of introspection, self-discovery, and awareness. Throughout this journey, I've discovered that I actually find it hard to hate ANYTHING... even WINTER!

Hate is a VERY strong word, and the power of words feeding our subconcious mind, is a strong one. A friend and fellow blogger Tina Su wrote a wonderful article on the subject.

The truth is... We can usually find something to appreciate in everything. Take every situation, and there is something to appreciate or learn.

Often times when we decide that we hate something, we don't feel as though there is any other way to think about it. Exterior forces have sent this signal to our subconscious so often, that it becomes second nature. The reality is, that the hate we've *decided* to feel towards this subject is a choice. For a more in-depth take on the power of subconscious thought, I suggest you read the article "Train Your Eyes to See Colour, Again" .

Thinks I used to *hate* about winter:

• It's damp
• It's cold
• It's dark
• It's dead
• It's dready

These things may all be true, but if I focus on these things only, then that becomes the reality. If I send this message out into the universe, I will suddenly be surrounded by like minded folks who also *hate* the winter. Do we REALLY want to hear someone say "Man! I'm SO EXCITED for SNOW this Sunday! I can FINALLY bust out my skis!!"!!.... of course not. We've already decided that we *hate* the snow, so why would we stick around a "winter lover"? They have the potential to change our mindset on how we perceive winter. This sets us off kilter, and can be mentally disrupting. We as humans would much rather stay in our state of *hate* and will naturally gravitate towards those that share the same sentiment. Do you see how powerful this mind process is?

Since hate is not part of my mandate anymore, and I choose to remove the word from my vocabulary, I've decided to come up with a NEW list of things I LOVE, or at the very least LIKE about winter:

• It's pretty outside
• You can take your kid tobogganing/sledding!!
• There are a multitude of winter sports to engage in (I would LOVE to start Snowboarding)
• Xmas!!
• It's my Birthday in January!!

And that's just to name a few.

In closing I would ask you all to look on the bright side of things, as there is a bright side too EVERYTHING. Focus on the positives, send those positive vibes out into the universe, and you will be rewarded, with peace, love, harmony, and happiness.

Don't forget your hat and mitts! It's a cold one... and I LOVE IT! :D

Happy Monday folks!

Well another week in the books. Time to start back fresh.

Fight weekend in Montreal was a REAL gong show. I had a blast... it was likely one of the BEST weekends I've had in recent memory.

I got off the bus in Montreal around 7:00pm Friday evening, to meet up with Mel. We went for a coffee @ Tim Horton's and had a WONDERFUL chat. Felt really good to get re-acquainted again. I hadn't seen her in about 6 weeks or so. From there, we rented a movie, went back to her place, ordered Chinese food and just chilled. We didn't end up watching the movie, as we were MUCH too engrossed in good conversation. It was nice to talk about spirituality, and betterment of your personal being. I really enjoyed that.

We woke up late Saturday morning, and decided to go to a little diner down the road from her place. I ordered an extremely large breakfast... It tasted fantastic, but my poor belly can't handle that much wheat and gluten. I must have eaten about 8 slices of bread, along with a pancake, and some french toast. It was brutal... I paid for it for the rest of the evening.

After breakfast, we headed downtown to check out the UFC store! THAT was crazy! It was jammed! There were people all over the place... affliction T-shirts abound! Hung over ring girls lounging (read: sleeping with there head in their hands) in the background... it was crazy. I guess the previous evenings weigh-ins after party was a rough one.

We then walked around a bit more... We bumped into our mutual friend Moz at the Eaton's center. It was good to see him. He was happy to see us, and mentioned that Patrick Côté was at the foot locker! He was doing a fan meet and greet, along with an autograph signing. Pretty cool stuff. We walked around a bit more, and shopped around for a few more hours. Mel bought a really cute hat. I purchased a few Xmas gifts, and we headed back home.

Mél got gussied up for the pending fight night. She always looks so good when she gets done up. Mél is one of those "wake up with bed head, while wearing sweat pants and STILL look smokin' hawt" types. The eye make-up, with fitted black pants, and a plunging v-neck looked amazing. Personally, I just threw on my Team Renzo Gracie BJJ Tshirt, and a pair of dark jeans. I felt under dressed, next to such a beautiful woman. I downloaded the weigh-ins on her laptop, so we could watch them before heading out. Weigh-ins were great... it's go time.

We arrived au Centre Bell for 8:30pm or so, and the place was just getting warmed up... We got in, went for a quick pit stop, then hit up our seats. We were at the TOP top nose bleeder section, and surprisingly the seats we not too too bad! I could see the Octagon perfectly, and the big screens allowed for close up viewing action as well. What a rush.

All in all the fights were great. GSP laid a beating down on KOS for 5 straight rounds. I was nice...

Unfortunately I hadn't gauged or controlled my drinking that well, and found myself quite inebriated, when we left. Lesson learned... don't drink that much... and if you do, pace yourself. Lol. Mél was pretty decent about the whole thing though. I'm thankful for having such an understanding friend... Thanks Mel... You're the best...

Sunday afternoon was more shopping, good chats, and just relaxing. We finally ended up watching the movie that night. We hung out a bit... then I prepared myself for the trek back home. Lots of emotion when I left... but it was nice.

All in all, the weekend was a HUGE success... I had a blast, and can't wait to go back!

Love and light,

Matt

TGIF!!

The weekend has FINALLY COME! FIGHT weekend!! :D I am SOOOOO pumped to see KOS and GSP go at it. They both have amazing wrestling pedigrees and KOS' stand up has REALLY improved since their last battle. This is going to be silly.. I expect a war!

Today I get to see the person that is closest and dearest to me... Mel. I'm going down to Montreal this afternoon, to spend an evening of Chinese food, chats, and a movie. Saturday - we'll be up and at'm early... Can't wait! Meditation, good coffee, and great chats... Fight night, then back home to chill... I really need this weekend. I'm excited!

Quick shout out to friend, and happiness mentor Tina Su. She's not only taught me about how to be free of life's burdens, but how to laugh at yourself once in a while. It's nice to be reminded that we can strive to be happy, but are also human. I love you man!

Please vote for Tina:


Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

She's an amazing woman and an inspiration... I just KNOW she'll make us all proud!

Ok... off to work! Catch you all on the flipside!

I HAVE NO COFFEE IN THE FREEZER!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Herbal tea it is. I've really been enjoying my teas as of late. I might try and make the switch completely... I gotta start by weening off caffeine though... as I seem to have built up a SERIOUS addiction.

*phew* MAN! What a BEAUTIFUL DAY! it's great! You know... I'm not generally a morning person, nor can I say I usually 'enjoy' winter... but yea... What's there NOT to love? Seriously.

We should all be thankful for each day we're here. Each day is a gift. You could die tomorrow. Cars, boats, houses, money, monetary riches, and the like is just 'stuff' and you can't bring stuff with you when you die.

If we took EVERYTHING we owned, and put it in a building, to set it ablaze.. what would we be left with? If your answer is 'nothing'... then I think it's time to re-evealuate what's important.

Live, Love, and laugh...

Matt

Speaking of coffee... :)

** Amendment from Andie... FRESH POTS!!!!!!!!

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!

Wow! It's already almost noon!! Crazy!

Ok... I have to come right out and say this. I've sorta dropped the meditation ball as of late. I've been training really hard at Muay Thai, and when I get home, I try to unwind, and usually end up sleeping late. I can't seem to get myself out of bed in the morning to do it. Time management is of the essence here. Corrections will be made.

*yawn* 1/2 way there... today is a day filled with haircuts, rent payment, and typing up loose ends, before I leave for Montreal. I hope I don't forget anything.

I got a GREAT compliment on my manipulation entry down below, and was asked to polish it up, with a bit of intro/background, to perhaps have it published! Wonderful news! Anything I can do, to perhaps help someone else relate is just wonderful.

Take care, and have a good one!

Matt

6:59am... I made it! Posting before 7:00am... yay!!

Good morning.... Where's the coffee?? *yawn* I just threw some chicken in the oven, and OH! Coffee's ready... thank GOD...

*sip*

Ahhhhhh... black crack I tell ya....

So... I woke up to some WONDERFUL news. My friend and mentor Tina Su just pulled ahead in the SAM-e "Next good mood blogger" context! I'm so proud of her, and really hope she wins this thing... If there is someone that deserves to win, it's her. You can vote for Tina here. No need to sign up or anything, just click, and vote! Every vote counts... so kindly do so.

So what's up today? It's Tuesday! only 4 more days until UFC 124! I feel like a kid at Christmas - it's kind of ridiculous really. I'm FINALLY going to a live show! I leave Friday afternoon, for the second largest city in Canada - MONTREAL!!! I arrive around 5:00pm or so... to meet up with my best friend Mel. We're going to go for coffee, then possibly a walk somewhere down St-Denis - weather permitting. From there, it's back to her place, for a night in. Chinese food, and movies. It doesn't get much better then that. Next morning, it's up early - a bit of meditation, then breakfast, coffee, and the day is ours to enjoy. That evening is the fight, then back home for a good nights rest. I really need this time off, and am going to take advantage! :D

Well... the chicken is smellin' REALLY good - I've gotta jump in the shower and get this day started.

Have a wonderful Tuesday folks! You're alive, and the world is your oyster... doesn't get much better then that!

Love and light,

Matt

Yay Sobriety!

Today marks my 1st week of sobriety! One week... that's 7 days... 168 hours... Substance free... That's pretty fantastic, if I don't say so myself. The longest I've been sober in the past 21 years is 8 months. Here's to a life time of sobriety, and change. Time to get back to where I should be.

*yawn* *sip coffee* Buuuuurrrr.... -8, and it feels like -13 with the wind. I have a feeling that this week is going to just shoot by. Here's to hoping... because Next Saturday is UFC 124 in Montreal Quebec Canada! I can't WAIT! I'm going to head up Friday evening, to spend the night with my best friend Mélanie, then Saturday we're going to the show! GSP is taking on Josh Koscheck for the welterweight title of the world. It's going to be a gong show for sure!

Well I woke up a little late again, so I have to cut this one short... meditate, shower, and get to work.

Have a wonderful day folks.

Love and light,

Matt

Man... What goes up must come down..

Today has been an interesting one. Got up early, and went for brunch with my daughter, brother, father, and his wife, for his birthday. He turned 60 last Wednesday. We went to Stoneface Dolly's on Preston street. I just LOVE there brunch. It's fantastic. Got home, and spent the day with my daughter.

I spoke with Melanie today... and she mentioned a few things to me that I hadn't realized in the past. About how I am, and the internal struggles, and pain I'm going through. It was nice, but VERY difficult to hear. I realize that I have a few things to work on. Mainly loving myself. You see I have the tendency to rely on others for happiness and comfort. I haven't quite figured out how to find it from within. It's a process that will take time. I'm confident that with the right guidance and proper counseling, I will find inner peace. I just have to have faith.

I seem to have developed this manipulative protection mechanism to deal with my fears of loss, and abandonment. Unfortunately this manipulation has caused a great deal of pain to those around me that I love, and care about deeply. It's as though I subconsciously bring them down my level, to feel better about myself - so that they don't seem superior to me. In doing so, I crush their spirit, and leave them feeling vulnerable, like an open wound. I understand that the people involved have a certain responsibility to there own feelings, but sometimes when you are manipulated, it makes you question your feelings, and can convince you that you are wrong, and that the manipulator is correct. This "game" of building, and destroying can go on a LONG time, until the manipulated party is finally so emotionally crushed, that they have a real hard time picking themselves back up. Once they do however, they see what has happened, and wind up feeling VERY resentful to the manipulator in question. This is more or less what I went through... as the manipulator, and I realize now that it's something I've done in past relationships as well. I just hope through the grace of god, and his light, that I can overcome this, start fresh, and be the true person that I am, and long to be.

Wow... I had a WONDERFUL night last night. I attended a Muay Thai kickboxing demonstration held by my school the Ottawa Academy of Martial Arts. Everyone performed well, and we all had a blast! Lots of great demos, great people, and good times. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend a Friday evening. I got home around 10:00pm or so, and just relaxed with a nice cup of coffee, and my virtual facebook friends.

I was chatting on MSN with my ex, and REALLY good friend Melanie Ferland about the meaning of life, and how to achieve happiness. Lately I've been going 160mph, and she gently reminded me to stop, and take a few seconds to breathe. Very important advice, and something we often forget when we get caught up in any emotion - including happiness. The blinders go up, and we forget that it's all about balance. Too much of a good thing is just as bad as not enough. Thank you for that Melanie... You're one of my inspirations, and mentors. You're not only a dear friend, but a life teacher as well.


This morning I had the rare pleasure of sleeping in. It happens once in a blue moon... but NOTHING beats getting woken up by a telephone call from your child.

"Good morning daddy! I'm eating honey comb in my PJs...' Hehehehe... I love her to bits. Today we are going to see the movie tangled I can't wait! It looks like a good one! Seems almost like a rip off of Ripenzel. We'll see.

Well that's it for me... time to meditate, have a nice breakfast, shower, and start my day.

Love and light!


Matt

Good morning folks...

So last night I decided to go to bed early - hit the sack at 8:00pm. This never seems to work for me, as I just wound up waking up at at midnight... groggy, confused, and discombobulated. I figured I'd make a cup of my favorite night time herbal tea:




This seemed to do the trick, and I was back to bed by 2:00am... that's when the dream started.

I dreamt that my eight year old daughter was playing outside. Minding her own business, and singing to herself. She decided to go for a walk alone. She wound up on an old rickety bridge - you know the kind of bridge you see in movies... wooden, and unstable. As she was whistling, and skipping down the planks, one broke free, and she screamed, while falling through the cracks, into a MASSIVE body of RAGING white water beneath her. I somehow could sense this back at home, and came RUNNING to her rescue!

I got the the bridge, and RAN across the worn out wooden planks, all the way to where she had seemingly fallen through. I couldn't see anything but HUGE waves, with the water rushing by. The sound was almost deafening. I plunged myself into the icy cold pool, and started moving VERY quickly down the river. Just as I was being sucked down by an undertow, I SHOT UP in bed. I lay there in the dark, breathing pretty hard, and sweating from head to toe. I looked over at the clock... it read 5:00am. What a HORRENDOUS way to start the day. I managed to fall back to sleep, then I woke up at 7:15am. Seeing as I start work at 8:00am - I decided I would have to cut my morning ritual short. I rushed out the door, and got here late.

So here I sit... a little confused, and tired.

Let's see what the rest of the day brings.

*Yawn*

I'm freezing, and tired this morning.... I slept with the window WIDE open, and woke up to 0 Degree weather... Eeeesh...

Seems that I'm much more tired the mornings after I train... I also didn't go to bed that early... something to work on...

*sips water*

*shivers*

FINALLY Warm coffee is ready!

More then half way done the week... down to the home stretch...

*grabs a cup of coffee*

My nose is a bit runny.. gotta make sure I sleep with the window shut next time... This is craziness... I'm pretty tired... and can't get to jump in the shower...

I'm sorta empty in my brain... tired, groggy, still gotta shake the cobwebs...

GOOD MORNING CRUEL WORLD!

I'm cuttin' this one short...

Meditation time...

Wow... Good morning!

Coffee is brewing... is there any better smell in the world then coffee first thing in the morning? I'm not sure... It's a great way to start the day.

Dreams are an interesting thing. I just finished waking up to a strange one. There was a tiny little person at the side of my bed... not a midget, or a child... but an actual small sized person... Sort of like Gary Coleman... They kept telling me that everything was ok, and that it was time to wake up and start the day. So here we are...

Funny thing... I wanted to use this blog as a means of getting all my evening mental waste out, but wound up putting too much thought into what I was going to write. That is what took up most of my thinking process last evening, and seems to bet the only thing that really stuck in my head...

So here I sit... coffee in hand, poised, and ready to take on the day...

*Yawn* time to meditate...

Talk soon...

Matt